Seducing the Moon
by Dwight4Studly
Summary: Sirius finds that reading for pleasure can be more fun than he thought. Slash, RLSB. One shot. A story in which Sirius discovers trashy romance novels.


Seducing the Moon 

Rating: R, like in _The Pirate Prince_. You'll understand it when you're done …

Summery: Sirius finds that reading for pleasure can be more fun than he thought. Slash RemusSirius. One shot. A story in which Sirius discovers trashy romance novels

Disclaimer: This one needs a disclaimer, even more than usual. Everyone knows that I don't own the Harry Potter series or the characters in it. I also don't own the book titles that you are about to read. Also, the situations depicted in these novel titles are probably not true to the books themselves. I just borrowed the titles. Please, keep that in mind. Plus, I think I'm classier than that …

A.N./ This is slightly AU because Sirius is alive and walking around in public without being caught, imprisoned, etc. I would rather have them be older in this, but you can pretend that it's before the betrayal if you'd like. If you enjoy the story, please review.

The air inside the shop was a bit musty and was cool to the touch. Not a word was spoken and every aspect of the store gave an odd sort of peace and serenity. All of it made Sirius' skin itch.

"Can we go now, Remus?" Sirius said, picking up a paperback from a nearby table. It was fairly thick for something so small and it was heavy in his hand. He dropped it onto the pile of its brothers with a _thunk_ and a girl on the other side of a bookshelf glared at him.

This was so boring. Why would any self-respecting wizard care to walk into a muggle bookshop? All of the topics had to do with ordinary things and ordinary lives. The books were dull, dry things with stupid covers. They didn't even move or throw hexes at you once they were opened.

"We are here, Sirius, because I'm going to buy a book. I told you that you didn't have to come, but you insisted on running errands with me today," whispered Remus, jabbing Sirius' side once. "I won't be long, I promise. And while you're waiting, would you politely mind being quiet? I don't want to be ushered out of the store."

"I thought that we were going to go to Diagon Alley or something exciting. Not a muggle book shop!" Whispered back Sirius, jabbing the werewolf equally in the stomach.

Remus sighed, throwing his hands to his sides. He'd been putting up with this all day, and he didn't think that he could take much more of it. "Well, deal with it! Since you're acting like one, go to the children's section. They have plenty of pictures. Go have yourself a blast," said Remus quietly in his final tone, turning into a different section of the store.

Sirius stood there for a moment, then in a loud whisper, said, "Fine!" A man a row down who was holding a book gave him a nasty look and shushed him. Sirius slanted his eyes at him, not caring how stupid he must have looked for doing so.

Moving from aisle to dreary aisle, Sirius contemplated sneaking up from behind Remus and bothering him until they could go home. That wasn't such a smart plan, he thought after a while, running a hand over a line of smooth book spines. First, the two would be forced to leave and probably banned from the store, which would, in turn, anger Remus. That led to the second point that Sirius didn't often enjoy sleeping on the couch, which would be his bed for the night if he angered Remus once again.

Over the course of the day, Sirius had wreaked havoc upon his flat mate and lover in the forms of multiple pranks blossomed from sheer boredom. He thought that he really should have stayed at home, but then he'd have to wait by himself with nothing to do there. It was either sit at home and be bored or walk around with Remus and be bored, so either way he would have lost. Naturally he picked the lesser of two evils.

Maybe if Padfoot could be a good pup, thought Sirius, smirking into a random book that he picked up, then he would be rewarded for going out of his way to be quiet in the store and obeying Remus. There would be no couch involved with that, for sure. Sirius grinned broadly now. It had been a very wearisome day and when they returned home they could eat and tuck in early so they could relieve some tensions. Yes, that was the plan.

Now, all he had to do was entertain himself for the next half hour or so. Knowing Remus, they'd be there longer than promised, which caused Sirius to sigh dejectedly. He glanced at the book in his hand and started to put it back when the cover caught his attention.

A handsome, rugged man graced the front with his black wavy hair whipped away from his smoldering brown eyes. His skin was tanned to perfection and the simple glistening gold loop earring in his right ear went perfectly with the color of his dark flesh. His brows were furrowed together in a very concentrated and his glistening pink lips pouted just a bit to emphasis his good looks. At the bottom of the cover, in curly golden letters over his billowy white shirt, read _Gypsy Lover._

Sirius stared at it wide eyed for a moment, not knowing exactly what to do with it. He flipped it over and read the back cover, discovering that it had something to do with Roman gypsies and their wenches or something. He glanced at the cover again. If this had to do with gypsies, then this didn't make sense. Didn't Muggles know that gypsies didn't look very attractive, especially with such a sickeningly fake beauty?

He turned to a page around the end of the book and gasped in horror as he read. _"He grasped her hips, raised her up on her knees, spread her thighs apart and moved between them. Leaning her over, he licked a path down her spine, gathered her breasts in his hands and gently squeezed her nipples." _

Sirius nearly dropped the book as if it were on fire. He stood there gaping. He concluded, to extend his horror, that they were about to do the deed. A shiver ran up Sirius' spine, making his stomach turn. People actually wrote about these things? How, then, was the moment, in all it's glory, in reality to be special?

With a morbid curiosity, he continued to read about their climaxes. He frowned as the woman reached her peak. How disgusting. The male wasn't much better, he thought, flipping back a few pages. Sirius couldn't contain his surprise as, once again, another scene depicting a separate event where they were at it again.

He looked at the other rows of books and saw that there were too many to count. And all of them were the same. Luke, the debonair American cowboy, beds the rich debutant Sophia and they run happily into the sunset. Armand, the Spanish rouge, beds the sassy senorita Maria and they run happily into the sunset. The onslaught of raging female orgasms made Sirius turn away in shame and disgust.

And how many ways can you call a male's piece of anatomy? Even Sirius had not been aware of them. A mighty sword, an engorged sex pump, the list was never ending! He often found himself containing laughter at the strained descriptions and the ridiculous cries of love and devotion that were made in these novels.

After a while, though, when he read he no longer pictured men with broad muscled chests and flowing golden hair or women with mounds for breasts and curvy waists. He began to imagine Remus lying there on the silk sheets of _To Pleasure a Prince_, begging for Sirius to take him. Or Remus sitting in the great griffin tub of _Lessons in Seduction_, long legs spread open and over the rim, pouring water down his perfect chest.

"Sirius? What are you doing down this hall?"

Sirius tore his eyes away from the beautiful description in his mind, powered by _Sin and Sensibility_, of Remus leaning over him, preparing him for "an earth shattering, mind blowing, orgasmic free fall into his tunnel of love." The man of his desire, book in hand, gave him a puzzled look.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, looking at the cover of the book Sirius was holding. A red blush painted his face once he read the title and gave Sirius a pointed look. Sirius squirmed in delight at how amazing he looked. If they weren't in a public setting, he'd have thrown him down right then and there.

Sirius tossed the book on the shelf carelessly and nodded in agreement, following the werewolf to the front door. Remus raised his eye brows, silently asking, "What in the hell were you reading!" But he was obviously too embarrassed to know the details and didn't say anything about it on the way home.

When the two got in bed that night, Remus opened his new book and propped himself up for a nice read. Sirius, however, stretched out, thinking about his little adventure into a thirty-year-old mother's world. He thought back to how in _Lord of Sin_ he would lay Remus out on a marble slab, licking up his thighs to his jutting hipbones. Sirius turned over on his stomach, hugging his pillow. Yes it would be nice, indeed.

He glanced over at Remus, his face nearly buried in the feathered cushion. Remus sat with his noble chin tilted slightly down, eyes focused as they followed the lines on the pages. His long nose sloped down beautifully and Sirius had to control himself before he reached out to run his finger down the narrow bone. Remus licked his lips, wetting them, and he sighed as he turned to the next page.

Heat built up inside Sirius and he shivered in the wake of its intensity. Crutching himself up by his elbows, Sirius leaned in a little closer to Remus. He needed to distract him someway. "What are you reading, Moony?" he said, trying to deepen his voice into a purr.

"Nothing you would care about. Why don't you go to bed? I'm going to turn my light out in a minute. Just give me time for a few more pages," Remus said, never taking his eyes from the book. He turned the page, as if to mock Sirius.

Sirius heaved a sigh, collapsing his arms from under him. He tapped his fingers to his cheek, thinking. He suddenly remembered the scene where, in _Secrets of a Summer Night_, after joyous sexual tensions being resolved, Simon seduces Annabelle. It wouldn't hurt to try, he thought.

Moving down stealthily, Sirius gradually found his face level with Remus' navel. He knew he could just go down on him and be done with it, but this was all a part of seduction, he told himself. Sirius lifted Remus' nightshirt just enough for him to see the pale skin underneath.

"What do you think you are doing?" Remus asked, peeking his eyes above his book to look down at Sirius. Sirius grinned, then kissed the sensitive flesh. Remus' stomach tightened, but he tried to show no loss of control.

"What do you think I'm doing?" he teased, trailing his kisses up. His nose nudged under the shirt, snuffling the muscle there. His skin started to heat up, but Remus still breathed deeply and evenly. Sirius unhooked a button.

"I believe that you are annoying me yet again today. Just let me finish this chapter Sirius, please?"

Another button undone. "Nope."

Once Sirius reached the bottom of Remus' chest plate, the werewolf's breath started to become shallower and shallower. Nearing his goal, Sirius triumphantly swooped down the length of Remus' torso and plunged his tongue into the navel. That was when Sirius could hear the book drop to the floor. Sirius could feel Remus' grip on the sheets beside him, but no sound escaped his mouth.

When he looked up, Remus was biting his lip, eyes dark and wide. "What'd you do that for, eh? You know about that place," he growled menacingly.

"That was my point." Sirius grinned again and continued his way up, finishing the buttons in one go. He ran his hands over his mate's chest and felt him relax under his touch. Remus' heart was beating madly within his chest and a buzz of satisfaction ran through Sirius' own chest in knowing that he was causing this. With a few simple touches he was causing such a reaction in the only person he could love like this.

He felt a hand press down on his neck, bringing him closer. Another hand, long fingers and gentle palm cupping his cheek, titled his face up. Remus' lips were moist and warm on his own and he put all of his weight on the body beneath his. Their hips ground together and Sirius gasped for air. Tongues tangled and Sirius couldn't tell whose was who's after a while.

A wicked grin spread across Sirius' face and he reached down between their bodies, spreading Remus' willing thighs apart. Remus complied by lifting his knees at the joints and cradled Sirius body between them, deepening the kiss even further. Sirius pulled away from it and nuzzled his nose on Remus' delectable neck.

All of this was familiar and clichéd at the back of Sirius mind as Remus moaned his name. Their joining bodies, in the form of fictitious others, were, probably at that very moment, being read by a stranger in some distant bedroom or office. Their kisses subconsciously mimicked those of millions that came before them, but it didn't matter. There was no kiss that could ever compare to the man's that so willing gave his everything to Sirius. Anyway, thought Sirius, there was no reason he couldn't live out his own trashy romance novel.

A.N./ You guys, _Gypsy Lover_ is an honest to god real book by Connie Mason, bless her heart. I got it on my birthday as a prank and I sometimes open it up to get a few laughs. When you go to your nearby Supermarket, go to the book section and pick one of these things up. If you turn to around the 275th page of every one of these suckers, there will be an infamous sex scene. I'm serious! They're all in the same place in nearly every book.

If any of you honestly read and enjoy these books, that's cool and everything. I just find them hilarious, and enjoy them all the same. Maybe not like the writer had intended for me to take pleasure in it, but I do. Hope you enjoyed a bit of my satiric humor, anyway. At least I find myself funny at times. Oh, and review!


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